she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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