i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
