turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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