the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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