My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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