the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
