I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
