you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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