I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize