Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
