Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Randomize
