There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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