Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
