I cut my penus on the lid.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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