When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
