Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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