that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
