STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize