you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
