Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
