I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize