??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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