you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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