You can't motorboat a personality
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You are a genius and a whore.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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