My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just tell him i said nine months
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Randomize
