i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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