Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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