Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
