i wish my penis had a tongue
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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