I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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