just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
