My underwear smells like fireworks.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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