...so i touched it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
