don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
