Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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