Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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