Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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