I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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