so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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