I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize