ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize