dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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