I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
