from now on my penis is your penis
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize