Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
