I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
