I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
