how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
