im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
