I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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