why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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