This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize