I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize