he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
