Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i black out too much to be "responsible"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
