Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
