Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
