i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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