Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
