i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The air taste purple.
Randomize