In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
