she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
