it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
