Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I want her autograph on my taint
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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