If i come over, it means nothing
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
