Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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